


In Which Jun Is A Condom

by soraflye (flitterfly5)



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Aiba's crazy experiments, BAMF Leader, Crack, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:31:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6127722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flitterfly5/pseuds/soraflye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiba was too busy kissing Nino and ended up accidentally turning Jun into a condom. But poor Jun's troubles don't stop there, as who should unknowingly reach for him but his own boyfriend Satoshi...</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Jun Is A Condom

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is obviously fiction. Not to be taken seriously from any angle. 
> 
> I made Jun a fricking condom; therefore it should go without saying that you're reading this completely at your own risk.
> 
> Previously posted on LJ.

"Don't worry, MatsuJun." Aiba had said as he peered down at the newly transformed blob of flaccid purple on his lab tray. "It'll wear off in 24 hours and then you'll be okay again."  
  
_No, I will NOT be okay again!_ Jun had wanted to scream. _How can ANYONE be okay again after waking up in his best friend's house one morning to find that he's turned into a goddamned_ condom _because of some freak-ass sci-fi set-up that his idiot friend never told him about?!_  
  
"It wasn't supposed to end up like this." Aiba's pen was already flying across his notebook as he excitedly shoved Jun under a rudely bright microscope. "The recipe was for an automatic eyebrow shaping solution, and I don't know how it turned into this... Hmm... interesting... I see no special markings on your new, errm, body. Do you mind if I touch you?"  
  
_Do I have a fucking choice?_  
  
He couldn't even move anymore. He was made of rubber. Fucking. Rubber. If he still had his teeth, he'd be gnashing them in fury right now. And if he still had his hands... well, God help Aiba Masaki, because Jun's mind was actually fuming mad enough now that he was perfectly capable of strangling his baka best friend with his bare hands.  
  
"Tensile strength is normal," muttered the offending person, tenting Jun on two fingers of his hand and absently stretching him with an _infuriating_ scissoring motion. "And subject is mildly lubricated, with no observable tears or perforations." He jotted a few more notes in his notebook before placing Jun back on his tray.  
  
The purple condom made a rather vicious note of his own to find out what object Aiba held dearest to his heart, and to utterly pulverize it as soon as he got his body back.  
  
"I do wonder what could possibly have induced this _ero_ transformation." Aiba gave a thin little giggle into the sleeve of his lab coat.  
  
Jun glared at him, watching his friend's face scrunch up as he tried hard to recall every detail of the experimental procedure.  
  
"I mean, I made sure to add the ester _after_ the acetone, and the collagen fragmentation rate was carefully monitored throughout the 5 hour protocol... I watched it with my own eyes- oh! _Crap_!"  
  
Jun's temper did not improve as he watched Aiba's hand slap up to cover his mouth in horror, his eyes beginning to shift around guiltily, looking at anywhere but him, as if there could possibly be anything _less_ intimidating than a floppy wet condom.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jun," the tallest Arashi member said sheepishly, a blush creeping up his neck. "I, uh, may have let my attention wander just a _bit_ around the last hour..."  
  
He turned his head back to scribble something frantically in his notebook, and Jun felt like spitting blood when Aiba leaned away briefly and he was able to read the freshly added note on the page:  
  
_Crucial ingredient to induce transformation into lubed, ribbed, ultra-thin condom product:_  
_Semen of Ninomiya Kazunari*_  
  
_*freshly drawn, orally or manually; trace amounts of saliva and lubricant not known to affect transformation outcome_  
  
Jun vowed to kill _both_ his idiot band mates together, slowly and painfully.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
To make sure that no one accidentally threw him in the trash, Aiba had sealed Jun up in a little plastic wrapper so that he looked just like a newly packaged and unused condom.  
  
"I made your wrapper purple, Jun." Aiba had smiled down at him before squishing him inside. "Your favorite color."  
  
Jun glowered at him. _I'll make your_ face _purple, asshole! You think I give a shit about_ colors _right now?_  
  
"What if someone _uses_ him?" Nino smirked from the other side of the lab bench. "I imagine that would be rather... uncomfortable, to say the least."  
  
Aiba waved an airy hand. "We'll put him in his boyfriend's bedroom. It's not like Oh-chan's going to need a condom with _him_ out of commission. And besides..." Here, Aiba grinned playfully at his lover. "It'd only be uncomfortable if Oh-chan likes fucking people the way you beg me to fuck you every time you game-over on your DS."  
  
Nino threw an eraser at Aiba, and instead hit the tightly squished Jun.  
  
"Don't worry," Aiba bent over and winked slyly at the purple condom. "I bet it'll feel pretty good, if it actually _does_ happen. It's not like you don't already enjoy Oh-chan's cock sticking you every night anyways."  
  
Nino tittered, and then cursed as his DS character died.  
  
Jun's entire body heated up in what was presumably the condom version of a fierce blush. Yes, those two were going to die _very_ slow, painful deaths indeed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The irritated purple condom barely had time to register the circumstances before suddenly hearing a loud rip and feeling his compacted rubber body decompress and unfold around some oddly familiar fingers.  
  
_Wait. No. These are Satoshi's fingers!_  
  
Jun's first thought was that Satoshi had somehow found out about the unfortunate experiment and was now trying to comfort him, but then he saw another face float into his hazy field of vision. A familiar _rapper's_ face that was attached by the lips to _his_ Satoshi's neck.  
  
"Is this really okay?" Breathlessly, Sakurai Sho shook disheveled bangs out of his eyes, his nose still rubbing against his older band mate's pulsating jugular. "I mean, you _are_ dating MatsuJun, and I don't want to make things awkward for Arashi... We should-oh!- _stop_ that- we should really calm down and-"  
  
"Jun's just a baby," Satoshi grunted as he stretched the thin rubber Jun over that one part of his body that Jun had always thought was his and his only. "He's _my_ baby, mind you, but still just a baby."  
  
Satoshi shoved his younger-by-only-a-year kouhai roughly onto the bed and stripped him of his pants with a practiced rake of his hand. Sho let out a cry, embarrassed, but Jun noted with bitchy satisfaction that the rapper's naked ass was nowhere _near_ as perfect as that infamous an an had teased it to be. _My, my, Sho's really let himself go these days, hasn't he? My ass is **way** perkier._  
  
The smirk forming in his mind was erased in an instant though, as Satoshi began pinching and groping Sho's behind like there was some shining treasure hidden between those cheeks.  
  
"Babies like Jun are meant to be loved and cuddled, not fucked hard like manwhores until their tender asses bleed raw and their innocent lips overflow with filthy cum even as they beg for more cock." Satoshi tore at Sho's neatly buttoned up torso and pressed him face down into the silken sheets that Jun had picked out himself for their love nest.  
  
Immobilized by Satoshi's lean hips grinding on his buttocks, Sho nevertheless managed to resist the hand on his head long enough to turn around and give his assailant a smirk.  
  
"Oh, is that what I am now? Your personal cumbucket?"  
  
" _Yes, slut_." The leader of Arashi pinched his chipmunk lips shut menacingly. "And you'll be a _good_ little cumbucket who doesn't say one more word about babies or boyfriends or obligations to Arashi... or else I'll fuck you raw, hold your head back by your pretty-boy hair, make you take _all_ of me down your throat, and then clamp your sweaty cock with my sister's hair clip so no little Sakurai-seeds _ever_ see the glorious light of day. Do you understand?"  
  
In spite of himself, Jun stared, fascinated by the new danger in his Satoshi's voice and the fluid control he had over every inch of his purring body. The lithe limbs glided perilously across Sho's anticipatory ass and rubbed themselves along the insides of his bare legs, prying them open with a low growl that was unlike anything Jun had _ever_ heard his gentle Satoshi emit.  
  
Sho gave a whimper that was half fearful, half excited, and submissively spread his legs wider, backing his rounded butt so that it bumped against his leader's full erection.  
  
"Satoshi-kun..." he moaned as his fingers clenched the downy pillow that Jun had spent so many tender nights forehead-to-forehead with Satoshi on. "You make me feel so _dirty_."  
  
"You _are_ dirty," growled the older man. "Which is why I'm wearing a condom. I'm going fuck you like a wolf on a chihuahua. And then I'm going to take this condom off and fuck your clever little mouth until you gag on my juices like the shameless slut you are. And then you'll get on your knees and beg me for mercy with your mouth still full."  
  
Jun positively shivered as he watched his boyfriend's slender hands fasten themselves onto Sho's clumsily undulating hips. A distinct twitch in the Leader's _very_ hard member rocked his thinly stretched body, and if the situation had been different, he might actually have been aroused by it.  
  
But the harsh reality was that he was an overstretched condom wrapped around his own boyfriend's cock as it was about to cheat on him with one of his most respected friends; doused with cold, slimy lube, he couldn't stop thinking about how he was mere _seconds_ away from being jammed into the tightness of-  
  
_Aaarrrghhh!_ Jun's silent screams were lost in the smothering heat that enveloped him as his head plopped through the tight rim of Sho's ass, the internal muscles of his once-beloved senpai squeezing him (and the upright cock of his boyfriend that he was so awkwardly wrapped around) and grinding him over strangely throbbing ridges of flesh until he was certain that he was going to snap and break like a sen-yen bra on a cheap avenue whore.  
  
_I'm going to fucking_ murder _that idiot Aiba! 'Feel good' my ass! I'm going to force his condom potion down his own throat and make him feel every thrust as I fuck the brains out of his precious Nino with him around my cock. See if_ that _feels good! AHHHHHHHH!!_  
  
Satoshi's member was beginning to quiver, and Jun knew from experience what that meant. With a rough jerk, he was pulled from the warmth of Sho's insides with a squelch and unceremoniously tossed over the side of the bed after being peeled from his boyfriend's flesh.  
  
Jun had to admit that he was sort of relieved he didn't have to witness his caring boyfriend thrusting himself into Sho's mouth. The squeaky gagging noises from the rocking bed were already enough fodder for the haunting nightmares that would last him the rest of his life, he was sure.  
  
There was a sharp slap, and Jun winced as he heard Satoshi's unmistakable, commanding voice:  
  
"Swallow, whore!"  
  
Sho was whining like a lost puppy, but Jun had no doubt he was obeying. There was probably not a man alive who would dare _dis_ obey Ohno Satoshi when his voice was all low and dangerous like it was now.  
  
Someone shifted his weight, making the mattress springs creak, and a teasing chuckle sounded from above the bed.  
  
"Oh gross! Satoshi-kun, were you wearing a _flavored_ condom just now?"  
  
Jun heard another violent crack of the mattress as his Satoshi presumably tackled Sho for this post-coital sass. Noises of two bodies wrestling and tickling each other filled his consciousness, and he got a sudden urge to throw up (never mind the fact that he had no stomach).  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As promised, Jun got his body back the next morning, and opened his eyes to the sight of his brain-addled best friend busily checking his vitals and muttering numbers under his breath.  
  
"Heart rate 70, RR 16, BP- Ah! MatsuJun, you're awake!"  
  
The idiot had taken a stumbling step back and was looking at him nervously, as though he was one of those unpredictable animals on that zoo show that could punch and bite back upon even the slightest provocation. With a sigh, Jun looked at the stethoscope dangling haphazardly from his friend's fingers, and then at the blood pressure cuff that was fastened around his arm. But he didn't feel like strangling anyone anymore.  
  
If anything, he felt empty, like his stomach was nothing but a big, glossy bubble. Slowly, he looked up at the other man.  
  
"Aiba... you're the third eldest in Arashi and my best friend." He paused, gazing intently into those anxious eyes. "You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"  
  
Aiba's lightly handsome face wrinkled in concern.  
  
"Of course not," he answered, blinking patiently. Jun shifted his body into a sitting position, and suddenly, he was the nervous one.  
  
"Do you- do you think I'm a baby, Aiba?" He flushed and hurried on. "I mean, like, _sexually_. Do you think I'm sexually a baby? "  
  
Aiba's response was a blank stare, then a tiny muffled snort and a chortle which quickly turned into breathless strings of thin giggles.  
  
"Hey, it's not funny!" Jun grabbed his pillow and deftly stuffed it into Aiba's grinning face. "I'm actually bothered by it, all right? I just wanna know-"  
  
"Why?" Aiba fought hard but couldn't keep a smirk off his face. "Did being a condom put funny ideas into the head of our straight arrow Jun? Has our little Jun-tan finally decided to graduate from the missionary position?"  
  
Jun gulped. He couldn't believe what he was about to mumble to this guy who had known him since he was thirteen, but some unknown force was egging him on, making him say it.  
  
"Well, I, uh, I actually _wouldn't_ mind learning what it is that Nino asks you to do to him; you know, the thing after he game-overs on his DS... that's supposed to really hurt the condom..."  
  
Aiba gawped at him as though one of the cats from his zoo had run off with his cock.  
  
But from the quickening pace of the taller man's breaths, Jun knew that by the end of the day, he would have all of Aimiya's kinkiest secrets in his pocket, and that when his cheating boyfriend came to bed that night for their usual snuggle, it wouldn't be Baby Jun waiting for him under the covers anymore, oh _no_... Jun was _quite_ determined on that front....  
  
Smoothly, he reached into Aiba's lab coat and fished out the little cell phone in the pocket, holding it up to his friend's bewildered face.  
  
"Well, Aiba?" he quirked a brow. "Isn't it about time you gave your boyfriend a little call?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
END


End file.
